Walking down the street and keeping her eyes to the ground, she realized that her legs looked older than usual. Full of thoughts popping up intrusively in her mind, Amanda wondered aimlessly throughout the sidewalks during that busy and noisy night. She walked faster and then slower; she felt calmed and then terrified; she was sure and then indecisive. Tomorrow, everything will be alright, she whispered to herself, trying to appease her mind. Suddenly, she was startled by her own loud laugh; in fact, her silent tears were manifested by that strident seemingly happy sound. Without no sign of shame, her laughter continued even stronger. It appeared to her that she was completely alone, without any soul to share her pain and her deepest grief.
She stopped and sat on an empty street bench, calming down, she decided that everything was meaningless, so then, nothing had a reason for being taken so seriously; let it go, she said, let it go. Then, the words of her therapist appeared again in her mind«Look around, did you see the old, big tree outside your house? Did you check out the beautiful purple sky behind you? » Amanda gazes trees and the sky every time the intruders, as she calls them, came to see her, she is the only one that can perceive them.
But in that moment, she believed that she would not be able to see the images she needed to again be free. Why am I here? she asked. I don’t want to be here, please let me go. She was trapped by her mind. She wanted to breathe, to go out and to go in, to stay in the realm of the calm, of the fantastic and surreal where life was exciting but in peace.
"Amanda is a dreamer but it seems that her dreams trapped her in a reality that she cannot see, so she gets frustrated and she flees". That is what the therapist thinks about Amanda's sudden panic to live. One hour ago, she was at home with Roger, her partner. He lovingly helped her to get ready to go to bed. She said that she was feeling wonderful. Around 15 minutes after, he went to keep an eye on her, with the surprise that she was not there.
While sitting on that rugged old bench and from one moment to the other, Amanda earnestly felt that she had to leave. Where should I go?Should I leave the city? Probably the country? She pondered. After a few seconds, she stood up and started to run still facing downward. Her legs looked then purple, but she did not matter the cold and her short clothes because her brain seemed to be blindfold. She went directionless while pondering about the bus that would give her the ride to her desired peace of mind.
At the end of the road, she finally saw a bus stop. She sped up and noticed that a man was sitting there. He looked at her with compassion and relief that she was well. Amanda sat inside the bus stop shelter and curled up next to the wall. She fell asleep, thinking how lonely her life has been. She didn't realize that Roger was there, he has been waiting for her at the point from where they decided to leave.
Amanda has behaved with the same pattern over and over again and she always ends up at the same place. Last time, he told her that if she did it again, he would finally take her to the place she wishes to go but that she has been afraid of. Her mother has been seriously ill and doctors say that she promptly could be deceased. Amanda thinks that her mom will never die and that everything will be alright.
Amanda, Amanda! I brought your coat, please put it on, asked Roger, with no response from her, he covered her and carried her in his arms to get on the bus and they left.